I finally watched the first episode of the new Bionic Woman last night. It made me laugh, which is presumably not the desired effect. There were a lot of stupid things about it, here's the top 10:
- Surely Jaime Sommers would have seen the original Bionic Woman on TV and therefore know exactly what was going on?
- Jaime's angst. No legs or bionic legs? Hmmm. Tough decision.
- The fact that a genius scientist who works for a top secret project still lectures at a university.
- The bionic eye has really annoying head up display graphics that look like they're from the sniper rifle in Metal Gear Solid. Is that the best they could do?
- The super fast running through trees looked silly. Go go gadget legs! I was waiting to see her little arms pumping in a blur. It was like a cartoon. See Return Of The Jedi for how to do speeding through trees properly.
- Why do you have to put super weapon chips in her head just to give her new legs?
- The fight.
- That the secret military base is styled on Stargate. If I made a super-secret military base I'd paint it in bright colours, to make it look pretty.
- The "if we let her go it will be better" logic. Unlikely.
- The dialogue. The very bad dialogue:
- "Your hardwired for highly specialised warfare, yes."
- "Welcome to the game"
- "The anthracites in our blood can filter out any impurities in our lungs." (Best smoking excuse I've heard for a while.)
- "Technology is at the point where Science Fiction isn't fiction anymore." (Let me make you up a reading list...)
I agree with all of the above, except I wasn't exactly laughing. I was groaning in disappointment. I had such high hopes for this show, especially considering it's created by David Eick and is about the melding of man (woman) and machine. It's supposed to get sci-fi fans excited, not make us screw our faces up in pain because it's just so bad. I'm holding onto hope that it will warm up, though. Yes, the dialogue was cheesy, and it was full of plot holes, but lets not give up on it yet. Second episode airs in Australia in a couple of days. I'll still be watching with my fingers crossed.